My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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