I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
