When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
