Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't turn off my feet"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
