she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
