is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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