If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
