hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Plan B is the new Plan A
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
