so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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