I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
