She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
