Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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