Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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