So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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