I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
