wanna go halves on a baby?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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