Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
