he told me I talked like a deaf person
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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