The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
