so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
