You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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