I think i peed on brittanys purse
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
