I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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