Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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