Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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