I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
