1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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