i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
