I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
