She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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