This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
