If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
