there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize