Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
