Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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