They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
