D3 body, D1 cock
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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