I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sponge bath it is.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
