If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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