Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
