i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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