I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
