I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
