one might say we're banned from that church
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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