My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
