His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
