Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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