Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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