I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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