next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
